We were "wingin' it," and we reminded ourselves of it constantly. We had spent all summer just trying to keep up, perfecting the art of "on the spot" thinking, constantly willing to sacrifice quality for immediacy. Changing with the wind, that's what we thought we meant by it. Then he had an epiphany: we couldn't be changing with the wind because we weren't flying at all. We weren't the ones with wings. We were UNDER wings.
Two men hiked up a mountain when they found an enormous flock of birds nesting at the top. When the birds became aware of the intruders, they instinctively took flight leaving behind hundreds of panicking babies - rolling and flopping and darting around looking for protection - and two mothers.
“Here they sat, their wings out like props, or more like gripping hands, as if they were trying to hold themselves down to the rocks against their wild desire to fly. And so they were, in truth, for under their extended wings I saw little black feet moving.”
“We took another step toward them, and one of the two birds sprang into the air, knocking her baby over with the stroke of her wing, and coming within an inch of hurling it across the rim to be battered on the ledges below. The other bird raised her wings to follow, then clapped them back over her baby. Fear is the most contagious thing in the world - and that flap of fear by the other bird thrilled her, too, but as she had withstood the stampede of the colony, so she caught herself again and held on.”
“She was now alone on the bare top of the rock, with ten thousand circling birds screaming to her in the air above, and with two men creeping up to her with a big black camera that clicked ominously. She let the multitude scream, and with threatening beak watched the two men come on. A motherless baby, spying her, ran down the rock squealing for his life. She spread a wing, put her bill behind him and shoved him quickly out of sight with her own baby...” (www.apples4theteacher.com)
Life came at us hard, and for a time it didn't seem to stop long enough for us to catch our breath, so we were finding ourselves moment by moment desperately scrambling to find rest under some wings. We felt smothered at times; we watched as others danced in the sunlight while we stayed in the shadows; we wanted to be strong enough to fly by ourselves, but oh! how much we needed those wings.
Wings that took me in as their own though I had no claim to them. Wings anchored to the rock, covering me no matter what approaches, no matter what reason says, no matter what the cost. Wings that protect me. Wings that let me rest. I'd rather be under those wings than on wings of my own.
At the end he said to me, “faith tends to whisper something about how that wing is only a feather.”
~Psalm 91:1-4
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadows of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
The Chase
This is the third time in the past hour. She wasn't looking for it, but she spotted it out of the corner of her eye, and immediately she dropped what she was doing and began the pursuit. With one arm stretched out in front of her and laughs that somehow only a four-year-old can make she weaves through trees and bushes, straining to reach the fluttering wings that are always just out of reach. When she falls, she winces for only a moment, then quickly jumps to her feet and resumes the chase. After it flies into the street or over the fence, she comes back, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.
She says things like, "It was just a little too fast for me, huh?" or "It was too high for me to reach, wasn't it?" or "I was getting closer and closer to it, wasn't I?" One time I asked her, "What would you do with it if you had caught it?" Long pause. She said she'd put it in her room for people to see because it was so beautiful. It was obvious she had never thought of it like that before. She had never planned on actually catching it.
I go about my business, and there goes a butterfly. I focus harder. Another one. Oh, I didn't even notice that one. Again. Maybe next time.
OR
I go about my business, and there goes a butterfly. I watch it, wishing I would chase it like I used to. But I know I won't catch it. I never did catch one. So I watch it. I admire it, but only from a distance. It's not my butterfly to chase.
OR
I go about my buisness, and there goes a butterfly. I drop it all, and throw my whole being into the pursuit. Almost! I reach again. Not quite. Just...too...high. Frustrated, I jump for it, and when I come down empty-handed, I land wrong and fall. And stay. And cry. I failed.
What made us stop pursuing the things we know we can't catch? When did we start finding the chase worthless if our hands never actually hold the "butterflies"? How did we forget that the running and jumping and reaching were just as much a part of the chase as the display of the catch?
She's making another birthday party in the sandbox. Here comes one more pair of dizzy white wings. The birthday party gets put on hold. She's off.
Feeling less than Spirit-filled
I wish that I was healing from this deadly ill
that some call growing old.
Where's the love? Where's the chase?
Where's the wild leap of faith?
I wanted to be free. I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be Yours.
I wanted just to play with everything that's pure,
but everyone just said, "that's childlike."
BRAD BREWER - CHILDLIKE
"Live more playfully; believe more recklessly." ~C.J. Goellar
She says things like, "It was just a little too fast for me, huh?" or "It was too high for me to reach, wasn't it?" or "I was getting closer and closer to it, wasn't I?" One time I asked her, "What would you do with it if you had caught it?" Long pause. She said she'd put it in her room for people to see because it was so beautiful. It was obvious she had never thought of it like that before. She had never planned on actually catching it.
I go about my business, and there goes a butterfly. I focus harder. Another one. Oh, I didn't even notice that one. Again. Maybe next time.
OR
I go about my business, and there goes a butterfly. I watch it, wishing I would chase it like I used to. But I know I won't catch it. I never did catch one. So I watch it. I admire it, but only from a distance. It's not my butterfly to chase.
OR
I go about my buisness, and there goes a butterfly. I drop it all, and throw my whole being into the pursuit. Almost! I reach again. Not quite. Just...too...high. Frustrated, I jump for it, and when I come down empty-handed, I land wrong and fall. And stay. And cry. I failed.
What made us stop pursuing the things we know we can't catch? When did we start finding the chase worthless if our hands never actually hold the "butterflies"? How did we forget that the running and jumping and reaching were just as much a part of the chase as the display of the catch?
She's making another birthday party in the sandbox. Here comes one more pair of dizzy white wings. The birthday party gets put on hold. She's off.
Feeling less than Spirit-filled
I wish that I was healing from this deadly ill
that some call growing old.
Where's the love? Where's the chase?
Where's the wild leap of faith?
I wanted to be free. I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be Yours.
I wanted just to play with everything that's pure,
but everyone just said, "that's childlike."
BRAD BREWER - CHILDLIKE
"Live more playfully; believe more recklessly." ~C.J. Goellar
Friday, June 30, 2006
The Voice Part III: Resolution
THE SETTING is a pitch black stage. ME is standing center stage with VOICE 1 slightly behind to stage left and VOICE 2 slightly behind to stage right.
DRAW CURTAINS
NARRATOR: [offstage] Before them the earth shakes, the sky trembles, the sun and moon are darkened, and the stars no longer shine.
ME: [in despair] How I long for the months gone by, for the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head and by his light I walked through darkness!
VOICE 2: [encouragingly] Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
VOICE 1: [to ME] That is why snares are all around you, why sudden peril terrifies you, why it is so dark you cannot see, and why a flood of water covers you.
VOICE 2: Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
VOICE 1: See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples…
VOICE 2: [to ME] …but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you.
VOICE 1: [to VOICE 2] But you crushed us and made us a haunt for jackals and covered us over with deep darkness.
ME: [to VOICE 2] You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.
VOICE 1: [to ME] He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; he has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. [to VOICE 2] So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.
VOICE 2: I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
ME: Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.
VOICE 2: Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light.
VOICE 1: But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
ME: Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.
VOICE 2: See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.
ME: You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
VOICE 1: The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.
VOICE 2: A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light.
VOICE 1: It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.
VOICE 2: [harshly, to VOICE 1] Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. [gently, to ME] The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.
ME: I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
VOICE 2: The darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
ME: Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies – make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
VOICE 2: Follow me.
NARRATOR: The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.
CLOSE CURTAINS
DRAW CURTAINS
NARRATOR: [offstage] Before them the earth shakes, the sky trembles, the sun and moon are darkened, and the stars no longer shine.
ME: [in despair] How I long for the months gone by, for the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head and by his light I walked through darkness!
VOICE 2: [encouragingly] Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
VOICE 1: [to ME] That is why snares are all around you, why sudden peril terrifies you, why it is so dark you cannot see, and why a flood of water covers you.
VOICE 2: Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
VOICE 1: See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples…
VOICE 2: [to ME] …but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you.
VOICE 1: [to VOICE 2] But you crushed us and made us a haunt for jackals and covered us over with deep darkness.
ME: [to VOICE 2] You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.
VOICE 1: [to ME] He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; he has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. [to VOICE 2] So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.
VOICE 2: I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
ME: Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.
VOICE 2: Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light.
VOICE 1: But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
ME: Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.
VOICE 2: See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.
ME: You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
VOICE 1: The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.
VOICE 2: A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light.
VOICE 1: It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.
VOICE 2: [harshly, to VOICE 1] Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. [gently, to ME] The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.
ME: I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
VOICE 2: The darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
ME: Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies – make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
VOICE 2: Follow me.
NARRATOR: The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.
CLOSE CURTAINS
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Voice Part II
As he spoke to me I began to feel myself struggling to breathe. "I can't follow you," I said, quietly at first. I just wanted him to get away from me. I wasn't looking for a battle or anything. "Yes you can. I'll help you." "I WON'T follow you, I mean." "There's no one else to follow, and you're lost." With every word he spoke the air closed in tighter and tighter around me. The venom spewed by his forked tongue was constricting my lungs. I did my best to inhale, but I started to struggle just to stand. I forgot my timidity. "Leave me alone!" I screamed, and the pain burned through my entire being. I was surprised at how fast it had smothered me. Quickly losing hope I whispered it again: "Leave me alone."
"You heard her. Leave her alone."
"She was talking to YOU."
What was that? Another voice? My heart leaped...and then sank. I strained to try to distinguish between the two.
"I was here first."
"No, I've been here the whole time."
"She can trust me."
"She doesn't want to trust you. She wants to trust someone who'll take her where she's trying to go."
"She's mine."
"She doesn't want to be yours."
"She needs me to help her. You can't help her like she needs to be helped."
"She doesn't know what she needs...and he doesn't care what you need."
I was at a loss. They sounded the same. I could hear his nasty breathing, but that was with every word they both spoke, not just one voice, and they were both so similar. If only I had brought my light, then maybe none of this would've happened. And even if it had, I would at least be able to see who was speaking. But I had nothing, and I was beginning to distrust them both...or trust them both. I couldn't tell.
"This is the way. Walk in it."
"THIS is the way. Walk in IT."
I didn't walk either way. I didn't move either way. I stood completely still, listening for some hint of truth to come from one of the voices. I stood, trying just to breathe.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
~Isaiah 30:21
"You heard her. Leave her alone."
"She was talking to YOU."
What was that? Another voice? My heart leaped...and then sank. I strained to try to distinguish between the two.
"I was here first."
"No, I've been here the whole time."
"She can trust me."
"She doesn't want to trust you. She wants to trust someone who'll take her where she's trying to go."
"She's mine."
"She doesn't want to be yours."
"She needs me to help her. You can't help her like she needs to be helped."
"She doesn't know what she needs...and he doesn't care what you need."
I was at a loss. They sounded the same. I could hear his nasty breathing, but that was with every word they both spoke, not just one voice, and they were both so similar. If only I had brought my light, then maybe none of this would've happened. And even if it had, I would at least be able to see who was speaking. But I had nothing, and I was beginning to distrust them both...or trust them both. I couldn't tell.
"This is the way. Walk in it."
"THIS is the way. Walk in IT."
I didn't walk either way. I didn't move either way. I stood completely still, listening for some hint of truth to come from one of the voices. I stood, trying just to breathe.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
~Isaiah 30:21
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