The Rock Higher than I

I need something to rest me feet on.  At this moment they aren't so much exhausted as they are shaky, unsure.  I need something strong and secure.  I need a rock.

My husband has been in emergency room for the last 7.5 hours, and since we have two small children I wasn't able to go with him.  All that I know about his visit is what he sends me through texts, and since he has a scientific background AND he's hearing the doctor's words first-hand, I'm sensing there's a disconnect between what he intends to communicate through his texts and what I read.  

I hate that I can't be there with him.  I hate that I don't know what's really going on.  More than that I hate that even if I was sitting right beside him and knew exactly what was happening, there's nothing I can do to fix it.  He is out of my control.  Today, that truth stings.

I've said that ever since we started dating.  "He belongs to you, Lord.  Our marriage belongs to you.  Our kids belong to you.  Our life, our possessions, our future - they are all yours."  But when I'm actually faced with that reality, I'm finding it much harder to keep my knees from buckling beneath me.  

As I searched for words this morning while I prayed for my husband who may or may not be very sick I just kept asking the Lord to lift me above this and put my feet on something of which I can be sure.  I needed Him to put me on the safe and strong higher ground.

   Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer. 

   From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

   For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy. 

   I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. 

                      ~Psalm 61:1-4

"Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Good gracious, I love that.

I love that God is our rock.  There are so many wonderful word pictures for our Savior, but today this is the picture to which I cling, because today I need that strength. I need that security. I need to know that what I'm standing on is immovable, despite the winds and the waves and the rising waters.  

As each moment passed during my day, as each hour  moved on to the next, anxiety begged me to let it take over.  It tried to choke me with fear and stifle me with the unknowns, but God, in His good, good grace, reminded me of the rock on which I stand.

I don't know what tomorrow holds.  Honestly, I'm not even sure how today is going to turn out.  But I do know God is good.  I know that He is strong and mighty.  I know He is far, far above this storm.  I know that I can plant my feet on Him.  He is a sure and steady anchor.  He is my rock. And He is far higher than I.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

      On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
      All other ground is sinking sand;
      All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

      On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
      All other ground is sinking sand;
      All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

      On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
      All other ground is sinking sand;
      All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
      On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
      All other ground is sinking sand;
      All other ground is sinking sand.

Maranatha

I've always loved the word "Maranatha".  It has such a beautiful flow to it, and it just sounds so rich.  I've never really been able to use it, though.  I've never liked what it means.

"Come, O Lord."

I've never quite been ready to say that.  I like my life.  I always have.  Sure, there have been super hard parts - things I would much, much rather do without.  There were days in junior high that I thought I'd be better off dead.  I have a lot of memories I wish I didn't have.  I've cried more tears than I hope to ever cry again.  I've held people in pain both in their hearts and in their bodies.  But none of it has ever been bad enough that I would wish for this life to end and the New Life to begin.

I know I should want that.  I know my hope should be in the soon return of Christ, but I just have too much to look forward to.

I wanted to get married.  I wanted to have kids.  I want to see my kids grow up.  I want to see my family members come to know the Lord.

But finally today I said "Maranatha" and I meant it.

My friends hurt.  They hurt in ways people should never have to hurt.  They hurt in ways that I have lived my whole life dreading that I, myself, would hurt, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.  Why?  Because this world is broken.  That's just the way it is.  And until Christ comes again, this world can never be right. 

I'm out of tears tonight.  My prayers are starting to repeat themselves.  I still can't fix the pain in my dear friends' hearts.  And more than ever before in my life, my heart yearns for things to be right.

Come, O Lord.  Maranatha.