Sacrificial Thanksgiving

It really is true what they say about holidays: it can be the best time of the year for some people and the absolute worst for others. Images - of Easter dresses and frilly socks, cornucopia center pieces and hands held around the table in prayer, reading the passage out of Luke in the family room while the smell of pine fills the air from both the fireplace and the sap dripping onto the ornaments - images that either dance around the dreams and memories of those who know them well or that torment the imaginations of those who are left without.

But there's also a middle road - a road where those images are taunting but only because the dance is so beautiful yet temporarily unattainable. Homesickness if you will, felt by those who do not disdain the images themselves but only the fact that they exist merely in dreams and memories and not in an immediate reality.

"We love you," they say. "We miss you and really wish you were here." The words snap at me like a snake, but one with a honey-venom. Comforting in their own rite, but piercing and painful nonetheless.

"God, why do you tease me like this? Are you just trying to show me everything I had to give up to be here? Don't you see what I had? But you made me leave it there, so why do you keep bringing it up? I don't need to remember everything I sacrificed..."

Then Truth whispers, "Exactly."

15 months ago I was driving through the barren wasteland of Arkansas in tears, thinking of everything I was leaving behind to go somewhere nothing in me wanted to go. I left my family, my home, my friends, my church, my park, my ______, my _______, my ________ ... for Texas. "God," I cried, "I hope you know how much I don't want to do this. I hope you see how much this hurts." But then the words pierced the air and just hung in my ears -

I will not forget You are my God, my King
and with a thankful heart I bring my offering
and my sacrifice is not what You can give
but what I alone can give to You
a grateful heart I give
a thankful prayer I pray
~Enter the Worship Circle, "I will not forget You"

In that moment Truth whispered, just as he has so many times since, "Exactly."

I'm reminded today that I view love in terms of sacrifice. The greater the sacrifice, the deeper the love, and that thought digs into my heart. Of course He knew how much I didn't want to do this. Of course He saw how much it hurt. Of course He wants me to remember my sacrifice. Of course He wants me to remember just how much I love Him.

And my sacrifice is not what You can give
but what I alone can give to You

And today I bring a sacrifice of thanksgiving that, even though the honey-tongued viper has struck, I will remember how good You are, I will remember why I'm here, I will remember how much I love You...because You first loved me. I am so thankful for the sacrifice You made to show me that love.

To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and call upon the name of the LORD.
~Psalm 116:17