As he spoke to me I began to feel myself struggling to breathe. "I can't follow you," I said, quietly at first. I just wanted him to get away from me. I wasn't looking for a battle or anything. "Yes you can. I'll help you." "I WON'T follow you, I mean." "There's no one else to follow, and you're lost." With every word he spoke the air closed in tighter and tighter around me. The venom spewed by his forked tongue was constricting my lungs. I did my best to inhale, but I started to struggle just to stand. I forgot my timidity. "Leave me alone!" I screamed, and the pain burned through my entire being. I was surprised at how fast it had smothered me. Quickly losing hope I whispered it again: "Leave me alone."
"You heard her. Leave her alone."
"She was talking to YOU."
What was that? Another voice? My heart leaped...and then sank. I strained to try to distinguish between the two.
"I was here first."
"No, I've been here the whole time."
"She can trust me."
"She doesn't want to trust you. She wants to trust someone who'll take her where she's trying to go."
"She's mine."
"She doesn't want to be yours."
"She needs me to help her. You can't help her like she needs to be helped."
"She doesn't know what she needs...and he doesn't care what you need."
I was at a loss. They sounded the same. I could hear his nasty breathing, but that was with every word they both spoke, not just one voice, and they were both so similar. If only I had brought my light, then maybe none of this would've happened. And even if it had, I would at least be able to see who was speaking. But I had nothing, and I was beginning to distrust them both...or trust them both. I couldn't tell.
"This is the way. Walk in it."
"THIS is the way. Walk in IT."
I didn't walk either way. I didn't move either way. I stood completely still, listening for some hint of truth to come from one of the voices. I stood, trying just to breathe.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
~Isaiah 30:21
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1 comment:
I'm here right now. Walking forward into the grey, sometimes I feel like one of my kids. "Ok, I'll step out there, but you'll be RIGHT THERE too, won't you?"
We never really lose that child-like dependency on Someone other than ourselves. We probably shouldn't.
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