Learning to Dance

As I move around the outer edge of the floor, I struggle to keep up with the rhythm. I bounce, I sway, I stutter, I constantly remind myself, "one step left, two steps right, turn, stop, toe, stop..." I watch to make sure I'm doing it right, and as I focus on his feet or on her stance I slip or stumble or do two steps left. Frustrated, I listen to the rhythm, I try to pick up the beat, I mimic the steps. I remain in the shadows, just trying to keep up.

"May I have this dance?"
"It's not a couple's dance, Daddy. No one else is dancing with anybody."
"Please?"

Embarassed, but also relieved, I give you my hand.

"I can't keep up," I say.
"Just follow me."
Ashamed, my eyes find the floor. "I'll try, but I don't think I can. I keep counting the steps."

"Well then," you say, and before I know it you're lifting me off the ground and I'm now standing on your feet. "There, now you don't have to worry about it at all. Just enjoy the ride."

And with that we're off. Four steps left, two steps right, spin, spin, spin. I grip tighter and laugh harder. We dance through and around everyone else, you making up your own steps to a rhythm inside of you.

I forget them. The music. The steps. The people. I forget to worry about doing it well, doing it right. I'm just holding on for dear life and sheer joy.

The music slows down, but you continue to move us across the floor. We move together around and around, and I begin to feel that I can hear the music inside of you.

The people watching say my eyes are dancing more than my feet. I'm glad you asked me for this dance. I'm glad I let you have it.



I've learned recently how I'm very autonomous when it comes to dancing. I can keep the rhythm, I can make it look alright, but when it comes to dancing WITH somebody, I just can't make it happen. I don't know how to follow. Unfortunately I saw some parallels between myself on a dance floor and myself in my spiritual walk.

"Trust me," He says. "I can't," I always respond. I don't know how. I keep trying to do it right. I'm constantly trying to keep up with those around me. I have in my head how it's supposed to look, and so I find it impossible to just follow Him.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." ~Proverbs 16:9

When I finally give the dance of my life over to God, and allow Him to carry me around the dance floor with the steps that He decides we should take, I forget about doing it right and get absorbed in the joy and closeness of the moment. I lose myself, riding on the steps of my Daddy.

God is...

"How would you finish this sentence: God is...?" The question was asked of me during the morning session at a youth summer camp I was helping to lead. "A king," I thought. "Of course. A king." But it didn't fit. "A father?" I tried again. I knew they were true, but that's not what God is to ME. "God...is...a..." I tried to think of any possible answer that would get me through a Sunday School class, but what my mouth said surprised me. "Thunderstorm." God's a what?! What on earth are you talking about? Then again...

I used to hate thunderstorms. They terrified me. But as I grew older, watching them on our front porch became one of my favorite pastimes. They're so fascinating, so powerful, so...big. The smell in the air lets you know they're coming, but it's hard to say when or how big they'll be. Then the sky will flash, and though you can't hear anything yet, you know it's on its way. Then the rain starts to fall, and the drops are so big and make a loud pelting noise, leaving large, wet circles on the pavement. The bolts of lightning streak across the sky, and you can trace them, though they're often gone as soon as they appear. And when they're gone, the image of them is still burned in your head. Then the cracking noise shakes everything inside of you, and you feel like, if only for a brief moment, you ARE part of that storm. The wind throws everything around, the rain creates warm rivers where water doesn't normally flow, the sky lights up even where the lightning is not striking, and the air shakes with the sound of the splitting sky.

The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that, to me, God really is a thunderstorm. I can't predict what He'll do or how big it'll be, but when He moves the image of it is firmly seared in my mind. The power that He wields in my life overwhelms me, but somehow it makes me feel like I'm intimately involved in what He does. He moves things around without me ever seeing His hand, and the places that I never thought could hold the blessings He pours out start rapidly flowing with His grace.

I was supposed to spend the rest of the day writing a Bible study for the kids, but instead I wrote this:

As I mounted the wave, I wanted so badly to see the beauty that surrounded me: the power in the sky, the vastness of the ocean, the way the wind - something I can't even describe because I can't see it - how it could change any and every aspect of my surroundings. I wanted so badly to look at these things, to see them, to awe at them, but instead of awe I showed fear. I can honestly say my courage melted away. I moved like a drunk man as if I had no hope, no direction, no joy. Left. Right. Left. Right. How faithless I must've looked. I cried in fear, as if I had no rescue, as if I didn't (couldn't) trust you...as if you weren't who you said you were. I'll admit (shamefully) that I was shocked when I couldn't hear them anymore - when the wind and the waves and the rain and the yells and the breaking of the ship...when it all just stopped. When, after the screams and groans and cries, everything whispered, "Why did you doubt?"

We're supposed to get some thunderstorms this week. I'm pretty excited about that.

"At this my heart pounds and leaps from its place. Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice, to the rumbling that comes from his mouth. He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven and sends it to the ends of the earth. After that comes the sound of his roar; he thunders with his majestic voice. When his voice resounds, he holds nothing back. God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding."

~Job 37:1-5~